Porcelain Doll

I can’t see a thing
Will I wake up from this dream?
I scream inside myself
As I draw imaginary lines
Living in my made up world
My makeup’s real
I blame the stairs
But I keep falling
into the hands of lies

Sleeping deep
All my dreams I keep
locked up so deep inside
Where’s the light in my eyes?

Where did I go?
Where will I find myself?
I hear my echo
Uncover my eyes

The blades of my truth
These lines on my face
Losing myself in all I can’t erase
Lost in my silent cry
I taste one last tear before I die

Staring in the mirror
Like a porcelain doll
My hair falls softly
But only to cover up…
Endless mockery
All that’s left of what I see
I don’t fight reality
Too numb to feel
I draw this imaginary line

Holing my last breath
inside my silent screams
Wrapped in artificial light
I’m freighted…
Frozen…

The wide eyed and innocent girl
in my imaginary world
Is six feet under
fighting for breath
What lingers in the doorway?
Haunting shadows
The voices never fade away…

Find me at the crime scene
where I’ve made it all a dream
Yet too real to escape the proof

Is this my only truth?

I’m frozen here inside
the safety I create
Destructive path to emptiness
I stare into the nothingness

Like a porcelain doll…
~Janie Davel

Reasons why I don't like raisins

Today I’m in the mood to write something not as heavy as usual. I don’t do this often because every time I try to write on the light side of life it somehow gets more serious as I go on. This is frustrating sometimes but anyway for some random reason I’m thinking today about the reasons I don’t like raisins… I want to write this on a lighter note but this is indeed a very serious matter to me so if you end up crying I am sorry for once again opening up my deep side. I really don’t like raisins at all but I have never actually thought much about the reasons why until now….. Add raisins to chocolate and it ruins the taste completely and it looks as though some flies killed themselves while eating chocolate. They make salty food so sweet. I mean, salty foods are suppose to be salty, really. Add raisins to a packet of peanuts and it tastes like you’re eating Jelly Tots… This is fine, I guess but looking like you rode your motorbike without a helmet because of the raisins stuck between your teeth is perhaps not so fine. And I have this thing that people who aren’t easily grossed out probably won’t understand but I don’t want a fly anywhere near my food! Oh my, they are so dirty! I won’t go into the details as to why they are but they visit objects that are so very unpleasant….. And personally I think when they die they came back as raisins and they invade the more pleasant things like chocolate and peanuts. Flies have risen from the dead and are now called raisins that space out in my chocolate and I don’t like that very much! See, this is a sad sad story……..     :)

~Janie Davel~

Writing with a Paintbrush

When my heart feels heavy writing is such a beautiful escape. No matter what you burden paper with, it still gives you freedom. Freedom to be who you need to be at any given moment. Paper is never scarred by hurtful words…. I allow myself today to reflect on so many things. There’s no better way for me to express myself than to put down words on paper. For some it’s talking and wild expressions such as music and dance perhaps. Although I love music and dance so much, nothing quiets my heart like when the written word becomes a paintbrush in my hands. I mostly write in shades of black and gray and I so often wish I could blame it on the shadow my hand casts on the paper as I write but it is not that simple. Painting in color is easier than forcing your heart not to write your own story….. It sometimes stains the paper when the ink in my pen turns to blood but there comes with it a beautiful release that is hard to describe to those who paint rainbows. I write like a bird still learning to fly…. Sometimes like someone who is so ready to die…. The beauty, the miracle is this – the writer’s cry needs no voice… Not a million colors or even a paintbrush. No music, dance or passion. Turn my world to black. Turn off the lights and my heart’s candle will burn with much intensity as my desperate and beautiful words form on paper like a mighty rush of water. Yes, Water…. Wow……The tranquil sound of water where I drown the words I can never speak and find those that I write. I do love passion, dance, music and beauty all around. I look deep to find inspiration. Even in broken homes and hungry mouths when my flood of tears turns the lights off once again….. And I write about everything I observe…. Even if it breaks me….My heart is a well of words…..A river….. A cry I never will silence if not through the flow of my pen….. 
~Janie Davel~

My Dearest Love

My Dearest Love,

You are the pen in my hand dripping my love on this piece of paper. Accept this as my attempt to let the weight of our love flow from my heart. A weight I do not wish to be free from. My only release is in you, my love. I do not know much but always will I remember the way you look at me…. Your eyes searching for what you have already found. I remember the way the wind touches your hair and the way you look at me when I gently tame your hair with my fingers…. I feel your beauty caress me like silk in my hands. The house is dark and quiet as I write to you this letter with just enough light to see your beauty touch paper. I do not wish to wake you now. When you open your eyes in the morning light and I see you, it feels like the only moment in time given to me and for this I will patiently wait….

Forever yours

Janie Davel

Overtake Me

As I wait for night to come

In the deepest corners of your heart I drown

You take me in

You pull me under

I cannot breathe……

So close to you

Your eyes become doorways

To all that I’ll find

I feel in this darkness

Your trembling hands

The flame of my fire

My breath on your lips

Open me up

Touch me deeply

Whisper our story

Till we freeze time

Lost in this moment

Let your fingers trace me

Discover my secrets

With the touch of your tongue

Read me like a blind man

Feel my breath…..

As passionate love

Overtakes us

Your fingers trace me

I read the lines of your hands

Unveil my beauty

Awaken me deep……

Janie Davel

Divine Love

I give you white flowers every morning
I love to see you smile 
As you open your eyes
And how Divine romance touches your heart
It’s a beautiful picture
You are My heart’s delight

I know how you love the beauty of white
More beautiful than early morning light
You are to Me
When your eyes smile
At what you see

I love when you say
“Thank You, Daddy
Love Divine,
That I can know I am Yours
And You are mine
Your tender words still my heart
Your love is beautiful
My eyes hold Yours forever.”

You’ve seen the deep affection
Flowing from My heart to yours
You’ve seen beauty now locked in your eyes
Let My Words permeate you
Deeper and deeper

"Beautiful heart,
I love you"

Janie Davel

Divine Romance

What would You cook for me, Beloved?
This dinner for two
Divine Romance
I AM curious to know
what you would choose to serve me
I am a salt lover, You know,
And I know You love it too
because you made me the seasoning
I Am the spice of Christ

I am blindfolded
Waiting for your lovely surprise
And I know you can’t wait to see
The smile on my face
When I see
what You have prepared for me

A cheese-filled delight
I see you laugh
While staring at the corners of my mouth
“I will kiss that mess” You say
As the candle’s flame melts us into ONE
Your eyes so passionately burn for me
Your Spirit-wine, red on my lips
Red with burning passion

Janie Davel