Mirror Memories

You live with the memories
Only memories..
Beautifully shared or violently forced
But all you have is memories..
A stolen oxygen supply..

The hurt takes you back to that same place
Knives resemble what you can't replace
Tears the only trace
And you find yourself in the emptiness..
Nothingness
Shattered
Bruised

You hope to see yourself in broken mirrors
Everywhere you go, you pick up the pieces
When even the beautiful is a far from the truth
Bleeding on the floor, you keep fighting for even a glimpse of what is real

Is it still real?
Was it ever real?
How far did you go to find something that would last a moment?
A moment that held no promise..
For how long could you hold onto it before it brutally broke your heart?

All you see in this shattered mirror is the evidence of violent hands
As you long for life to fill your lungs..

The cry in the nothingness, never heard
Shades of blue
Darker shades of blue
Until blackness consumes you

Janie Davel

Do You Care

When the shadows form in shades of gray

Lost in confusion we look away

What if what you’re going through will always keep you here?

Why face the fear of all your doubts?

Why find a way when darkness  chains you up?

There is no one to hear your cry

Who’ll break the silence just before you die?

It’s  just a slow flow fade and all you do is try

to find a reason to look up to the sky

Everywhere is a violent memory

No-one knows all the pain and agony

See it clearer.. Just know me better

Maybe I never saw...

that you had the escape all figured out

Now that I need you most your eyes are so cold and distant

Why you refuse to hold me close will always be my most dreadful secret

Do you even care?

I was so afraid to lose you

Do you see the hands that touched me and you thought you’d be the only one?

But don’t you see how black my tears have became, how it cuts me to the core?

You say that this is not a gift from God

I fight with all the voices screaming 'cause I don’t know anymore...

How do I kill this life?

How do I take this breath?

This is the bridge I built between your love and hate

Because what am I to do

If your love for me is ruined by a stranger who raped me

On a cold, dark night...

Death

There's a noise outside my window
Another life gun-shot, wounded, gone
Blood in the streets
A quick release..

Children playing
Parents waiting
There where life and death collide

In hospital beds so many recall brighter days
Some wounded by a single phrase
Others hunted down by a violent blaze

Suicide and drug abuse
What do I have left to lose
Numb, anesthetized, willfully sedated
Seduced by this addiction that won't let me go..

Death

who knows its consequence
and how it deprives a soul of significance

Where is the oxygen supplied by love alone
All that's left are a thousand graveyards with names written in stone

Janie Davel

Woorde

 Stilte maak my seer..

Woorde soveel meer

Het jy nog bestaansreg?

Leef jy met gevoel?

Bloei jy..

Of het jy jou hartklop vir stilte verruil?

“Ag, jy weet ek’t nie bedoel wat ek sê nie!”

Maar

Jou hart is reeds verniel

Hoor alles

Sif alles

Beleef alles

En... tot die lemme dieper sny, oorleef alles

Hoe kan lewe en dood oor dieselfde tong gly?

Uit ‘n mond spoel en jou dors les

Of jou laat verdrink?

Wie sal verstaan hoe woorde verniel

As dit sonder grense jou woede weerspieël?

Janie Davel

I Can't let Go

Don’t look at me like that

Are you really gonna tell me it’s just me?

What is this I’m facing?

Once..twice..Then a thousound times fading...

What are you saying?

Keep me guessing..

When is the final bow?

Are you gonna look away?

Now.. then.. always running...?

I can’t do this anymore..

Just spit it out!

Tell me..

Wet your lips once more

You can tell me you love me

But if you don’t mean it, let me go..

I can’t wrap my fingers around your slippery lies

You can’t bear it when I look at you

Cause that’s truth staring right back at you

Truth of how I love you

If it was mere words

I’d swallow it

But you touched me deeper  than that

Now I can’t ask you what you want me to do

Cause I know and I don’t want to

I’d have to let you go

But baby, I just don’t want to

Is it the fear that you’ll never be mine?

That I’ll never see you smile in the early morning light

You want me to forget how your lips touched mine

But there’s a reason why love mirrors the divine

So I know this thing you ask of me

But I can’t let you go

Janie Davel

Touch Me

Can I whisper every secret

Let all insecurities fade

Draw from your eyes compassion

that will break the chains of hate

Self-hatred

Regret

Resentment

I know you love me

I know you see the deeper part of me

You embrace the worst

You love the best

But I...hate the heaviness inside of me

The fear that we can’t give each other more

Touch me..

Touch me deeper than before

I need to know our love is more than enough

Stop the tears from falling as you tell me this is true

Can I let my secrets burst through my pain as I open up to you..?

Will you love me when I’m broken?

Will you hold me when I cry?

Flow through my veins

Until my fears melt away

I have never been this close,

This vulnerable to hurt

Teach me what trust is

Search my eyes

Let your love destroy the lies

Janie Davel

Sterre of Ligte

Onder ligte of onder sterre..

Waar sal my talente leef?

Waar sal mense my die beste kan meet?

Ek lyk mos mooi met 'n spieêl in die hand

Almal moet wonder.. 

Ja, almal moet weet wat le soos gode in my kas

Ek moet mos alles toesmeer..

Ek wil jou met verlange nader trek

Tot jy smelt in my oë

en ek 'n lipstick merk uitlokkend op jou wang kan los

dan...

Passievol op jou mond..

En oor die lyne

Terwyl my gedagtes jou wese

soos 'n teiken skets

Ek  stap hier in

en almal kyk

Maar eintlik is ek leeg

Stil en leeg

Dalk word jy eendag wakker

met 'n lem dwarsdeur jou hart

Want hierdie porselein pop is eintlik stukkend

Ja, ek haal asem 

en hou vas aan my spieël

Maar my hart is tussen mens-wees en stomp gewete verdeel

Dit gee my geen vervulling om my lippe in te kleur

en onder 'n duisend ligte

growwe hande te moet keer

Hande wat wil voel en vat

want ja, dit lyk of ek myself bemark

en ek dink ek gee ook nie regtig om nie

want ek kan tog niks meer voel nie

Amper dood

maar tog geen asem nood

Ek is nie jou liefdes toevlug nie..

EK

IS

VERNIEL

Janie Davel